Requiem of dreams

 

I've always been told to work hard to get what I want in life. If I don't work hard, I will never get what I want. This reflected hard in elementary school. I always scrutinized normalcy and conformity; the thought of everyone acting according to a specific set of preconceived notions just because someone told me abhors me. I cannot for the life of me stand the fact that I was asked to trim my hair, nails, and dress in a certain way just because someone thought it so for 12 years of my education.

Contrary to popular belief, I never worked hard during my academics. 95 percent of my teachers made sure to remind me that with their "disciplinary" actions. Those lovely actions included public shaming, bullying, insults, and sometimes, getting hit. 

While this unlovely passage might sound surprising to some of my more privileged peers, it is a rite of passage for us Iraqis (so too is scaling the fence to escape school but that's just for us self-proclaimed cool kids).

Time went by and as everyone else, I had my awakening. I discovered my purpose which is to start a clean slate. Preferably, somewhere where conformity isn't a must. It's a norm. I believe everyone only excels when they have their own "awakening".

I decided to start by excelling in high school and surprisingly, becoming a valedictorian consecutively. This, too, pissed off everyone because apparently, social science kids shouldn't get higher grades than the kids studying math.

Eventually, my die hard hatred turned into frustration which led to me going abroad for four years where I discovered the forbidden joy of just being yourself free from binding norms.

After graduation, I was scrutinized once again for being unable to obtain employment for almost a year.

Nowadays, it's only been six months but all the scrutinizes are now offering me a job. Instead, I choose to stick to my principles and fight their ways. I challenge preconceived notions such as employment gaps, years of experience, and choose behavior instead. I bring logic which is the fact that unemployed individuals are higher than the employed ones in my country.

As I said, behind each effort is a story. A requiem for a dream. Mine is to adhere to the peasant and anti-heroics of a working class hero in the hopes of escaping conformity's claws.

I am ready to embrace the freedom I know I deserve. The freedom to make choices based on personal preference rather than those imposed by others. To make my own mistakes, learn from them, and then move forward without fear or regrets.

A small part of me is afraid that if I go back there I will end up like the people who did fit in. But I also know that if I do nothing then I will end up regretting something else because of all the negative experiences I've had there.

Behind each effort, there lies a requiem of dreams. Instead of dreaming in my sleep, I choose to dream with eyes wide open in defiance.