Doing the right thing

We've all seen this one before; the classical hollywood depiction of good and evil where the suave protagonist defeats the antagonist in a high risk showdown and gets the girl after victory. I wish if it was this easy in real life. Instead, we're oppressed by the antagonists who're all around us.

As a child, I was always into superheroes. I was highly influenced by the generic image of right and wrong. How the hero strides in and defends the weak. How the masses are inspired to take up arms and fight the bad guys. In my childhood, I came across a student getting bullied. The student was a really shy, timid, and sensitive young individual. His clothes were always quite humble and it was clear that he wasn't very fortunate in life. I got extremely angry and pushed the bully. Afterwards, I proceeded to throw my Pepsi at him (I regret nothing Lol). He never touched the student again, however, both me and him were dealt with by the school and received a stern warning. Instead of looking at the situation as a failure of their policies and systems in addressing an incredibly alarming rate of violence in male schools, they choose to look at it as a young man who challenged authority. From that age, I realized early in life, as a child, that it isn't about doing the right thing for most people, it's about seeming to do the right thing for the corrupted majority of us.

When I was young, my parents saw it fit to take me to Iran. The purpose of the visit was medical. They attempted desperately to fix my left lazy eye. My cousin has a similar incurable condition. Naturally, my uncle saw it fit for all of the parties involved to travel together and attempt to heal the both of us. That's what we thought at least. When we went to visit my uncle, we found out that our money, which was safely kept by him, had been stolen by him. He went to Iran and took his son and whole family. He also saw it fit to go to Syria for tourism. After that day, I realized that the word "family" meant nothing anymore. I swore to myself that I would judge every being solely based on their actions, not who they are to me. Until today, that decision still stands and has caused me nothing but heartaches. 

I remember high school. Started off quite bad as I had to face the societal fallout of leaving Baghdad college middle school (I genuinely don't know why is it called Baghdad college too). It was a perceived issue due to the Iraqi education system; I had to choose between its scientific and literal branches. That choice would severely affect my potential career choices. I was always quite fond of subjects like history where there's a lot to learn. We could always prevent the past from occuring if we knew about it. There's philosophy which taught me how to think critically. It introduced me to Diogenes the cynic who was a big influence on my perception of what it is to be human. Then came sociology and economy; Two excellent subjects which complemented each other quite well and enabled me to think of society as a whole unit. Honestly, I doubt I'd be this critical in my thought. However, I ignored all advice as I tend to do quite a lot when faced with advices that are based on social status and acceptance. Simply, one shouldn't consider societal conformity as a basis for their future or career. It's just too trivial a factor. 

I remember how my closest started to spout my choice as if it was because I was too idiotic to learn natural sciences. Some of my teachers would even undergo the extra effort and give me less marks simply because "one does not do this well in math in your branch, you shouldn't score more than a scientific branch student". I remember how I, for three years, consistently delivered a 93/100 CGPA and how I, under our education system, managed to get exempted from the finals in my freshman year. I also remember how the teacher who handed me the exemption certificate asked for my grades to be double-checked. 

At the age of 18, I made the loveliest choice of continuing my life span for the next Four years in Southeast Asia. Another choice which wasn't so widely accepted by the masses. It was due to the very weak business administration programs back home. People would speak to me and my mom about how I could just do it in Baghdad for free since our education system is free. I scoffed at the idea; it simply could not provide me with any value in that field. I also wanted to achieve a good goal of mine which was to live alone without help and prosper. And I certainly did. My interpersonal skills vastly improved to an impressive degree, I discovered my love for music and writing, and I've had experiences that taught me a lot for my age. I simply chose to exist and start anew. It's amazing what one could achieve if they choose to look at their own lives instead of others.

Until today, people often intrude. Apparently, my somewhat occasional dalliances with alcohol and my tattoos are an issue. There's nothing I can do about it aside from what I'm doing now; continue to exist and mind my own existence, live a life where the only question is whether or not Diogenes' lantern wouldn't shine bright on me, for I chose to be human, for I chose to accept people's different moulds rather than try to morph those differences into my own perception. As long as one does no harm, there's no reason to try and remould them. I often ponder on how I, an almost half-blind man, can see the truths better than most. I always thought of myself as an exile until I actually left my country. For the past four years, I choose to actually live my days than to spend them in selective isolation. 

During one random day of high school, I was introduced to Greek philosophy as it was included in my philosophy book. I discovered that the very first attempt at deciphering our existence was in fact done by Greek philosophy; they attempted to attributed the earth's existence to earth, water, fire, and air. They later attempted to explain that for God to exist, he must be omnipotent and all around us. I always thought of that. It was simply an interesting factor to learn at that age. 

A few months ago, I stumbled upon a very interesting plot on Netflix, a movie where a scientist discovers that the afterlife exists. Surprisingly, people all over the world started killing themselves to ascend into the afterlife and meet their loved ones or simply escape into another life. 

Another equally amazing plot was in an episode of the simpsons; Homer decides to sue the church and takes ownership. He starts parties in the church with alcohol. God gets angry and the apocalypse strikes Springfield. The people in the church exit and run to the bar right next to the church while the bargoers choose to escape into the comforting arms of faith during their last moments. This scene always struck me as a brutal dissemination of today's self-conflict trends. During their final moments, each choose to do something entirely different from the lives' majority. They awoke and did something spontaneous for their own selves. Public perception would no longer be an issue when you're about to die.

My final example of today's social reality is an old Arabic story called Juhaa and the Donkey. Juhaa and his son were on a donkey's back heading towards a specific destination where they passed a series of villages. The first pointed out towards their inhumanity since there were two people sitting on the Donkey so Juhaa asked his son to get off the donkey and walk along. The second village criticized the dad for being on the donkey while his son is walking so he got off the donkey and ask his son to sit on it instead. The Third village criticized the son for being content with sitting on the donkey comfortably while his dad is walking. Finally, Juhaa got angry and asked his son to get off the donkey. When they finally reached their destination, the village thought that they were either fools or crazy for dragging along a mount without using it. Juhaa finally sold the donkey. 

This strongly reminds me of Joy Division's Dead souls where Ian Curtis describes the voices calling him and a "duel of personalities which stretches through realities". 

The truth is people are often quick to judge and often slow to forget. My golden rule in life is to treat everyone as I'd like to be treated in that particular scenario. It has bode me well in life. I can sleep with both eyes comfortably shuttered.

I'm looking at everyone. They're making love and children. They're giving excuses on how they are expected to have children or "that would make my parents happy". I can't understand their own desire for I can't hear it or distinguish it from the people pressuring them. Despite us being built for reproduction, I find comfort in my confinement. I'm afraid I might lose my mind one day. I'll just sit down and let the pictures spread out of TVs, sounds out of radios and phones, and words from newspapers. I'll watch while the information floats from one ear to another and from one screen into another. I'll just sit in silence and observe the children being born as Juhaa's donkies. There will come a day where the ashtrays will overflow with cigarettes of stressed out individuals smoking in secret. Their teeth will bear the hallmark of their pain. The bottom of glasses will have witnessed their perverse logic and unnecessary suffering. The glasses will overflow with both tears and alcohol. Their tissue boxes will not outlast their river of tears and sorrow. Me? I'm just a spectator. I'm a guy who gave up and quit the game. "GG" they tell me.

I do not know if I'm doing the right thing for everyone or for my country. I can tell you, however, that I'm doing the right and humane thing for my humble existence. This isn't a Hollywood movie where the perceived hero, saves the day. This is the movie in which the hero is defeated and it is up to the masses to bear the results of their faulted idiologies. Who knows...Maybe everyone will sell their donkeys and go as mad as I am too. People all around us are running in circles and I see no reason in it. Just blunt consumerism and a dire attempt of culturally automating humanity. 

When figures from the past stand tall

And mocking voices ring the halls

Imperialistic house of prayer

Conquistadors who took their share

They keep calling me

I hear them calling me

Dead souls by Joy Division