Rainbows Tomorrow

 Pain is an immeasurable commodity; one man's heartbreak can be another's scoff. It always amazes me how we commercialized it. How we made a trade of selling heroin, cigarettes, and guns. We paid tears and people got millions. 

Sometimes I wish I was a butterfly; I'd know exactly how long I got left. I wouldn't live thinking whether I'd make it to 75 or not. I would just exist and appreciate the colors. I think that's what living is about but at some point along the way, we forgot what it is like to live and just focused on existing.

I wish social media accounts grew dust as books do. Maybe then we'd get to know the immense pain we inflicted and remember those who we neglected and abused.

We all have a constant stain we call love. Whether it's for our mothers, countries, or that special someone. Imagine loving someone or something to the point where we live a monotonous life as we willingly sacrifice for their best interest. Just drain all the colors you need from me. It's okay... Leave me in my monotonous existence to ponder what once was and what will be.

It feels a lot like I lost my body. My mind is in Iraq where I was born, my feet are still planted in Malaysia which I currently reside in and adore, and I'm still looking for my heart which I misplaced long ago as a child. 

When we're uneducated, we tend to practice primitive spending. Have we ever heard of investment by ancient tribes? Do we expect illiterate individuals to read the daily stock market reports? No, we expect them to spend their money soonest on essentials and non-essentials. Saving simply does not correlate well with illiteracy as William Durant (Esteemed philosopher) pointed out.

However, when we are educated, we tend to ponder about tomorrow. We tend to consider variables such as quantity, quality, and bang for buck. As Durant stated "the moment a human starts thinking about tomorrow, he leaves Paradise to the worrying abyss". 

First they dope you up and then they dope you in as soon as you start to think about what to eat tomorrow which sadly, is what I ventured into doing. I started having my own "worrying abyss" after experiencing westernization for the First time; having the liberty to act as an individual while confirming in a society. No one is going to reprimand me for having tattoos, having my own faith, or packing up and moving to new horizons. No one is going to mock my Arabic which I haven't practiced in quite long time or stare at me while I walk. I might actually start watching TV again as there are no news of bodies in most media but hey, that's what Netflix is for. I can wither away knowing that I live in full color. I might even be lucky enough to live a mundane life where I have a family, but should I gamble into such an act knowing the current state of affairs. Regardless, I won't suffer from a duel of inner personalities. I'd be able to belong and that hasn't happened in a while. Maybe then, I'll see another rainbow.

Half of the world is thinking about what to have for lunch tomorrow while the other half is thinking whether they are going to get lunch. I think I'm already incredibly lucky. Is this just enough though? Not having to worry about my lunch? What if us lucky few aren't that lucky after all? 

We often tend to let go of any relics that reopen our past wounds. We block ex partners, foes, and friends. We delete their photos and skip any songs that remind us of what we once held dear so that our stitches may not falter and the wound stays closed. After all, it's easier that way. Just numb ourselves. Is that what we're supposed to do with pain these days? I often venture into a major Tom like state whenever I get disappointed; I leave mother earth and fly to the moon, and It's often the same as the song whenever when I try to land back. I just crash hard into the same disappointments. I'll just live as a pilgrim in my room for now.

I often think that my greatest annoyance is "planet earth is Blue and there's nothing I can do". David Bowie spoke those words in his marvelous masterpiece "space oddity". I could always relate to it as a teenager. However, planet earth is no longer really Blue as a large number of marine species is dissipating. Quite a bit of the Amazon forrest is gone and aside from the decaying economics, ethics, and moralities, I do think there's a lot we can do. What ails me is why aren't we doing it? Why are we still committing to the comic cliche of waiting for a hero/heroine to save us? What if the hero quit and decided to live his or her own life? Will our decaying empathy save us? This is why we should never think about tomorrow. It's an endless abyss but then again, there aren't any heroes around...

I define fear as an emotion which stems out of threat. We perceive threats differently and therefore, our fear stems of different factors. Personally, I fear going through life instead of living it. Being stuck in an endless cycle of acting according to conformitive ideologies. And as a result, having our lives thought instead of living them. Being stuck in the "imagine" thought. I'd like to pace my feet and traverse new possibilities. Perhaps, the monotone shall be colored then. After all, I only saw a rainbow once in my life as a child and before, I never believed they existed. 

After everything we've been through, it can't be for nothing. There has to be color...There has to be another rainbow

Please don't bring tomorrow...

Sometimes, I wish I was just a butterfly.